you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
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