he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I would fuck him just for his dog
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
