Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
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oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
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The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
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