it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Randomize
