if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
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My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
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