im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
false alarm. still invincible.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Randomize