So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
