you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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