Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
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