so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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