I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize