Nicole vs. Life
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
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