Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize