I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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