I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
People in love make me want to vomit
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
