I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
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