how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
