sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
You're like the curious george of whores
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
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