the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
