I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize