he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Randomize
