If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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