Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Acid is not a monday night drug
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Randomize
