When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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