You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Randomize
