shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
