he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize