Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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