My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Randomize
