i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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