oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
