I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Randomize
