I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
