When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
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