is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
