We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Randomize
