How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
