Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
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You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
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What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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