if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
