We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
