hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
