Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
