took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Woman Using Lunch Break To Find Another Job Gets Hilariously Snitched On By The Local News
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
28 ‘Thanks For Coming To My Ted Talk Tweets’ Funnier And More Informative Than An Actual Ted Talk
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
its like you know when i get waxed
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever