I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
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You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
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I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize