The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
