I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Randomize
