then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
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