I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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