i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Randomize
