when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Damn victory sex feels great
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
