im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
