He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
you would pick up someone in the library
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
