She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
