When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Randomize
