omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
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Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
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Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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