We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
