Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
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