How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Randomize
