you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
We're too hungover to prance.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
