We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
