i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Randomize
